Friday, February 27, 2009

The Treadmill Debacle

I like to think I'm pretty hardcore, but really I'm a bit of a wuss. I almost fell over when I read that this guy does almost 95% of his training on the treadmill! THE TREADMILL! Yikes, now that is hardcore. How is that for mental fortitude?! It's not that I dislike the treadmill, but that I really, really, REALLY like the outdoors. Now be it that I live in a place where it is winter 6 months of the year, occasionally I have to turn to the Great Indoors, ie. the Treadmill. But I avoid it like the plague. It's hot and sweaty and I always end up just staring compulsively at that little screen aghast that only 20 minutes have gone by and I have a lot more to go.

Anyhow. A Story.

On Tuesday and Wednesday my mid-winter fantasy of climbing Skoki Mountain was put on hold when reality reared it's ugly head. Yep. Winter is back. It dropped a whole bunch of snow on us in the form of a little storm that blew for about 36 hours. It was windy and evil for a few days. So on Wednesday morning, I got up early to to my speedwork on the treadmill. I have been on the treadmill only ONE other time through this entire winter season. The temperature was -20c on Wednesday morning, but it wasn't the temperature that was so bad, it was a full on winter blizzard and it was blowing full force. It took me quite the effort to un-bury my car before I was off to the gym.

So, I'm driving down the hill into town and at first I see what I think is a deer beside the road off in the distance. Only it's not, it's a.....RUNNER. I'm thinking to myself, whaaaaat? It's frickin' 6:30 in the morning and it's blizzarding outside. A runner. Geeeez. Hardcore. I'm still staring out at the Star Wars Snowflakes coming down in the dark in front of my headlights in disbelief at the crazy runner, when I see a CYCLIST coming across the bridge towards me. A cyclist! I'm thinking to myself, Who Is That Idiot....when I really it is this guy, commuting to work. No, not an idiot, just my running buddy Mike. I'm still giggling as I'm driving the car and my windshield wipers are working overtime, when I crest a hill and see....a COUPLE of runners coming down the hill towards me. What the hell? It is 6:30 in the morning, it's dark outside and there is a blizzard!

When I arrive at the gym, it's packed on the Cardio Equipment. The good folks of Banff are getting some exercise, but I've never seen any of these people before. It's been so long since I've run at the gym, that there is a new treadmill for me to use. It's got this big fancy screen and a Cyber Training Babe who is blond, tanned and who's breast size leads me to believe that SHE IS NOT A RUNNER, but she is going to show me HOW to run. Anyhow, I figure it all out and cruise through a 15 minute warm-up before cranking it up and starting the REAL workout. This new treadmill seems to go from really slow, to really fast, really quickly. There's a big awkward pause when you turn it up and then it just speeds up super quick. I get out my IPod, to help me move my early morning ass just a little bit quicker and make my workout that much more enjoyable. It's all good. I'm having fun. I'm enjoying running fast! I survive my first couple of intervals and I'm getting in the groove. On the 3rd interval, just when I'm cranking up the treadmill and there is that awkward pause, my IPod comes out of my pocket, hits the treadmill and fires clear across the room. I'm cursing and laughing and trying to straddle the treadmill, when the ear buds come out as well, hit the treadmill and do the same thing. I have a sudden vision of them somehow going under the treadmill belt wrapping and tangling their way into the very brain of this computer that I am running on, and she is a blond with big boobs with my ear buds tangled in her perfect hair. Does that make sense? Anyhow, I survive the workout unscathed, enjoy myself and am quite glad that I am not outside running in a blizzard. I'm still hardcore AND I got my workout in. But crap, this treadmill thingy takes some coordination!


Deb said...

Lol, good story :) Now I don't feel so bad for the treadmill session I had this week! (I also detest it) After your ipod went flying I had the feeling you were going to continue saying that you also flew off the back as well :) I did hear a story of someone going off the back of the treadmill once this week...and a few more people falling off their bikes while spinning lol.

Mike said...

Love the story, Idiot Mike here :)
Yeah it was a bit of a frosty ride to work the other day but it sure beats walking or scraping off the windshield and warming up the car.

I was thinking of getting back on the treadmill too, mostly for controlled tempo runs and specific interval training a bit later in the season. I used to do some tempo stuff with Phil but had to stop after I did the same thing as your ipod. Yep the gym was packed and we were running hard, lost my concentration and suddenly there was a horrible squealing as my runners started to fly all over the place. For a second I thought I was going to be OK and then boom, I was down and flying backwards like a cartoon character, arms and legs flailing. The squealing noises from my runners meant that everyone had plenty of time to look over and see me go down.

Phil stopped calling me after that and I figured I'd wait a couple of years until all the cute girls in the gym had left town. I'm probably good to go again so give me a call anytime... I hear there is a little safety clip that is designed for clumsy idiots like myself, I promise to start using it from now on and I'm not going anywhere near the Cyber Babe treadmill, I'll stick to the boring one with no distractions.

JeffO said...

Too funny! Only YOU could tell it so well! So the B4 (Big-Boobed-Blond-Babe) in the cyber-control ended up wearinvg your earbuds? That is so Tron (oops - just showed my age).

Danni said...

I wish there as a video of this!

You know, I've been doing my speedwork all on the dreadmill (once a week) and am starting to prefer it for that purpose. Then again, I never run more than 6 miles on the dreadmill so that helps.

When I was training for my first marathon I ran 17 miles on an indoor track.

Meghan said...

Dood! This is a funny story! I can so picture you and your looks of horror/unfamiliarity/incredulousness whilst surrounded by that foreign world. Maybe you need to go get some lessons from Bob.

Hugs to you guys! I miss you, and will call this week. It's been looney 'round these parts!